He said last night that he wanted to go back in time... I would iamgine to undo what it was he started.. but this morning I woke up to bags all arund my room that i need to unpack again and next weekend I need to get the rest of my things- so if I knew that it was all going ot come undone this way, spiral to this point where i can't stop any of it- maybe I would have gone back in time to, just to a different point.

I'm sick of being the moderator, or beating the conversation out of it him, or worse- figuring out for myself what he is feelign and then giving him options and him chosing the one that only helps him and leaves me packing, again. I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of hurting, and I'm sikc of him saying he can't think of a way ot fix it and then just goign abotu his business.

i remember now why I was the way i was before we met.

he's not a phone person, even though i ask for 10 minutes 3 nights a week- he just can't change that; he asks me to move in and then realiezes that he wants to be alone after I have laready moved my things and my hopes and expectiations in- and he waits for me to figure it out. And I'm left with nothing. again. Wait until he invites me back in? Tries to speak on behalf of we? GIve me some pride here, give me something that you can't take away, that i know can know you can't take away.

The idea that I woke up this morning single is maddening. I love him, his life, our life, our families. Everything we do. But it can't always be him and throwing out we when it may seem to make things better.

I'm too old to take a break.

---

Last Five:
HappY THouGHts - 2005-07-11
PrePAid Cell PhONE - 2005-07-12
NOrTH BeaCh ConcLUsioN - 2005-07-14
An IPOD's SHuffle Can BE so CruEL - 2005-07-15
PatIENce is AS PatiENCE Will - 2005-07-28