I need to know

Am I going crazy again

Feeling this

Familiar

So

So if I am- it means that I will always need to be on meds

I will always rely on something else to guide my mind

Otherwise I am tragic

Reckless

I can�t see danger

And I guess that�s one of those things I�ll get around to facing�figuring out when the situation got out of my control

When the situation is beyond me

But I�m there because I�ve placed myself there

Among the reeds and the sand

And the hands

And the few words

But I can�t be back there

It will drive me again

To the point I was at before it all cycled

My life-

I just want to throw a stick in the spoke so I can stop watching the wheel go around and around and around and..

I had that dream- I�m pretty sure- last night- but it was different- something changed and made me wake up- but I don�t know what it was�maria was in it this time to.. she�s never in those dreams

I see that corner I dropped you off at all those times

You jumped in one car and bought our souls and then jumped in mine to go home

Home that�s where I want to be right now

Home laying in bed with the darkness all around me

I can feel it - I can remember it�

Slowly everyone comes in and asks if I�m okay

And I�m not

And I don�t know how to say it

Except

�no�

and that word never helped me before

why would it help me now

and then I think of you- and I wonder why now does my mind hurt- why now when I�m finally seeing you and why now when I�m happy

I�m crashing again

Maybe it�s just a day

Maybe It�ll be two days..

Or longer

But I miss me when I�m not breathing

I hate these days�

Especially when they don�t go away

I want to be held but I won�t let it happen

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Last Five:
HappY THouGHts - 2005-07-11
PrePAid Cell PhONE - 2005-07-12
NOrTH BeaCh ConcLUsioN - 2005-07-14
An IPOD's SHuffle Can BE so CruEL - 2005-07-15
PatIENce is AS PatiENCE Will - 2005-07-28