i remember right before I left for california standing in at the smnithsonian... it was before kate had a desk with a window.. we were staring at the distance from california and boston.. well oakland and it was then that i noticed i couldn't get any further away

i wasn't running away then

by the time i got there and explained to people my movement, repeating it day in and day out that I figured out i was running

but i'm back now

laying awake at night and wondering what else i should be doing--- besides this

laying in bed-- i count the hours that i will be able to sleep because that's where i want to be

not thinking of him and his irrate girlfriend

not thinking of him moving to the mountains

not thinking of her calling me on her last gasps

not thinking of my own last gasp

i can hear myself breathing when i am alone but when you are near I hold my breathe because you frighten me

I think i need a new hobby

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