You know, I guess in some way it all makes sense. My life just seems like a huge amount of � well something.

And it occurs to me because I�m typing on my IMAC at work, the job I guess I always wanted but didn�t know I could have� you see I wouldn�t have this job if I hadn�t of had 3 summers of trying to wreck my life, partying, being high, living fast, killing myself every night before I went to bed...and this job.. I would have never been able to afford to take this job if I hadn�t learned how to save a dollar and realized that if I don�t have to pay rent I can do the things I want to� see Tori October 3rd with Kate... all those shows I didn�t see because I couldn�t afford it� and figured out that anything I lived without for the past 11 months was not as important as I always thought it was�

And so I sit here� today� knowing I have tons of work to do--- and I�m typing up some materials for my boss to take to RISD and learning about Belgium furniture� and this is it.. I like my job but you know what I like even more� going through 100�s of cds that are property here and realizing that I love half the artists and the other ones that I don�t know I can�t wait to know� so I put on Tricky, Beck, the postal service and UNKLE� and it�s pumping thru the place and I just spoke to one of my bosses about the Beth Gibbons show that made my day October 3rd� I think I�ve waited my whole life to see Portishead... or as close to it as possible�

It�s all working out

But I still feel a little lost and a little empty and really lonely.

I think I need some more hobbies and more sleep.

(sigh)

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