you know what i want to do for you- hate you

because it would make it all go away

the ideas that i was ever a little girl, the idea that i was ever good

those drawing moments that made you want me before your wavering

these moments of hesitation when the air speaks because i'm too trapped to

step off my wind pipe and maybe i'll speak

maybe i'll just keep gasping, making that >sound<

i can call my mother and she can pick me up

because you will always be drunk on a porch

and i will always be underage looking up at you

my older boyfriend, the last one I tried-

i can sit with my head on the steering wheel, easter morning

nose running eyes bleeding water

i feel like i've been lost my whole life

and shepards come in with these "staffs" to calm me and guide me

and FIX ME

i never tried to fix anything, don't know why everyone insists i'm so broken...

i'm fine, i'm fine, i was fine except for this one night....

when i was laying in bed and i didn't even here a knock but i can hear his lisp

and i can see the pictures on my wall looking back at us since we had stopped looking at them....

and maybe just maybe i mistakenly called him by your name, in the haze clinging and thinking he was you...enjoying him as if for you like it always had BEEN.

isn't that a new a crazy thought?

---

Last Five:
HappY THouGHts - 2005-07-11
PrePAid Cell PhONE - 2005-07-12
NOrTH BeaCh ConcLUsioN - 2005-07-14
An IPOD's SHuffle Can BE so CruEL - 2005-07-15
PatIENce is AS PatiENCE Will - 2005-07-28