it sure is beautiful here

I looked in the mirror today and saw that I have a tan- i've already got a tan on my face- i'm sure it won't last too long.. when I find a job it'll fade-- there's so much going on in my head and so much I can't....

well so much

but the tan makes it look different, makes things seem different, and I'm losing weight already... it's the wierd diet and the lack of money for food i'm sure and the amount of exercise to keep up with my racing thoughts and job hunting and the new stress.. the stress of figuring out now what it is I want.. peeling away everything else leads me to walk down the street and when someone dearly asks me the question, what are my plans for next week, what my goals are... i just mutter find a job... and I can't seem to find anything else.... I thought I'd blend in here, I thought people would be more like me-- but no one is like me, comforting but cold.

I'm glad I don't have to show off my tan, you would be jealous.. and I'm not sure you would like the freckles, you never liked thinking I was young.

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