A whole series of lasts today as the Stoltze draws to a close. I know why today is so hard- I felt it last night driving home in the rain- ironically along short beach- then along the parkway as I had done so many times in the same car in the same mood, mood thinking of the times that I had just talked about. I thought about what today marked- Kate and I- we always had days that marked something- when I first started at Stoltze it was when I had first come back from California� I assured everyone that I wasn�t running away when I moved but I was� people were dead all around me- it was exciting, it�s like this movie in my head, lying in bed at 4:00 am living like a rockstar- working and spending more money that I had- paying for the party with my smile and my soul- smiling that fantastic smile when I didn�t mean it, when I wanted that something- and then people did die- and then going out to California, god bless Karen and Skye and the Bart and music and Biscuits and Krusty and Darby and everyone else out there and Kate for supporting me and buying that plane ticket and keeping everyone back- I coming back here and working at Stoltze the first few months I fell in again, fell, crawled home.. almost died again and again and again.. and then one day it all just ended with a gasp and a staff meeting and some long sleeves and a beer with a friend at Foley�s�and the stories- well they didn�t seem so great anymore.. so I stopped telling them. But this morning I just kept thinking that I�m leaving here. It�s finally ending, that part of my life is finally ending. After I take this turn and go into the garage. And finish these invoices. And burn some CDs�. And then return my keys�and return the garage card.. and then leave and not look back.

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