took myself out to lunch/dinner today.. walked to college ave... at the end of my street is a mattress store that has been going out of business since i moved here-- they have a sign in front where there keep crossing out the number it's down to three days.. and I just saw that the sign in front says

"quitting, moving to baghdad sale"

wierd that I never noticed that before.

so today i packed some more

then I took myself out--- bought a feminist magazine and had some great brushetta (I know I spelled that wrong) and gnocci a little wine bought the new liz phair and came home --

walking and glancing at my reflection I saw myself and I did it, I changed it all and wrote about it to... i made myself happy and I made my life what I wanted it to be when I was 12.. independent and on my own terms and my hair is red and brown and i have a seashow tied around my neck (courtesy of shannon, thanks) and I have a tan and my nipples are pierced and I have a new tattoo and it's all working -- and I'm laying in bed knowing it's my last saturday here upside down typing quietly while listening to children play across the street and not worried about anything anymore---

I've done it

I've gotten angry I can't solve the world's problems and I'm not fat anymore.. not skinny but not fat!

and I only feel somewhat crazy these days and I am back to acknowledging men suck but not back to punishing them for it

and that feels like enough for now.

---

Last Five:
HappY THouGHts - 2005-07-11
PrePAid Cell PhONE - 2005-07-12
NOrTH BeaCh ConcLUsioN - 2005-07-14
An IPOD's SHuffle Can BE so CruEL - 2005-07-15
PatIENce is AS PatiENCE Will - 2005-07-28