Much of the morning was spent laying in bed thinking about all the women in the world that were still virgins and I wondered why I wasn�t. Were they better? Was I better? When I finally got out of bed it felt like it was going to rain all day today, but it didn�t, but that�s all I could think about today, worrying that I would get wet, and I never did.

I had a boyfriend who called California Cali- I hated that. He said a lot of things I hated- he knew that. I think that he still thinks about me although this is my first conscious thought of him since last he told me I�d come back, and I didn�t. I don�t want him to think of me. Can�t say I want to be anyone�s thought really, not even my own most days. Maybe throughout the whole relationship I just wanted him to understand that he was never going to be famous, that he is never going to be an actor, that he is not living a movie and that he is not a beautiful person. I want him to know his hair is almost gone and his stomach is bigger than a size 32 now. I don�t know why that bothers him so and why he never believed me that it didn�t bother me. I knew that soon his teeth will rot because of the drugs, all the blow and the weed and the smoking of his youth and he will have nothing. Someday he will hang out in a bar because he will need the life there not yearn for it and the stool next to him will be empty I will have passed through just as quickly as that wrong song he played once on the juke box. What will stay with me though is that one worry line that one line will always be from him.

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