2002-12-11 | 5:42 p.m.
CRAKcKLIngTEETH

I think she heard my voice shake and my teeth crack from the pain, the intensity. I think she heard it all this time. Like she had heard it a month before, a year before and years before that. But do you ever stop to listen the pleading of prey when you�ve always had sharp teeth and something dead at your feet. I told her she knows why she does the things she does. She says she doesn�t. I told her that she lied to me. She told me that she didn�t. I told her when she lied. All of them this time. There were words screaming in my head, I spoke softly the ones I knew would not hurt her, the ones the would stun her into stopping, the ones that I wanted to make her right again, take it all away. I and cupped the phone and stared first at feet and then at the ceiling hoping that somewhere in the stucco I would lose the thought and we would stop or the phone would die. It didn�t. She pleaded with me now. She did it to get through the day now, just like lying to me. She did it to go to sleep at night. She did it to wake up. It was her breath for her. It was her air, it was her water, it was her mother for as long as she could remember and now it was her best friend and lover, replacing me when once we had all been equal, the three of us sitting at a table seeing who would leave first. What do you do when you�ve introduced the captive to the captor? What do you do when you can visit the hostage and you can stand in the middle of the war that you introduced knowing you won�t die but knowing that everyone else will because of your tea party that you didn�t want to have with just an imaginary friend. You tell yourself that they did it. That they are their own bosses, their own freaks, friends, their something�s� something that they hate� Something you hate.

But once you decided you were too tired to dance and you turned around and grabbed her hand and grabbed his hand and they both smiled, and in that minute that you wanted a drink, that you needed that break, you never danced again, with her, with him, with them. And the water is gone and you have no reason to be standing at the edge of the floor, but you don�t know if you should leave since the music is still on.




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