Self Exploration

2002-11-12 | 2:49 p.m.
yOU's*

I'm going to do this alone

Which isn't a surprise to me

and now that you want to support me

that shouldn't be a surprise either

because of all of the things I've been

to all of the people I've been them to

and all of the time I have to think about it

all of the dirt that I have that bathes me from it.

I've been your mother

I've been your nag, your sister your porn star

your ace in the hole... I gave you that $20 to buy

that high, that happiness, that moment of lust and

I hitchhiked home or walked, or worse, I stayed and

watched you laugh.

I've been your guilt and your anchor in all of my

free spirited youthful ways... I've gotten older

when you've gotten younger; I've gotten older

when I've gotten older.. I've been your secret, your

closet and your dressed up trick pony.. I've been your

girlfriend your supposed female boyfriend..

I've been your drug, your druggie, your instrument- a needle

and some water...

I have been destruction and I have been the band aid with

a mother's soft kiss, I've been that tap on the forehead,

that kiss on your closed eyes, I've ridden you; I've

succumbed to you and I've been a wall to keep your

insides there and protected; I stroked your hair when you

were ill... I've been death, you've killed me before,

twice I've lost breathe for you- I've been that

dog at your feet, that one you kick after a bad day

and the one you pet after a good one.. I don't growl

at the guests even when you want me to....

*I am that girl that stares up from the ground to see

why i'm there; *I am that girl who knows why he

didn't call back and why I didn't give him the right number;

*I am the girl who will never give up the fight I'd rather end

the relationship- well now I would; *I am the girl who knows you

never stooda chance; *I am the girl who wanted to lay down next

to you but moved quickly away instead; *I am the girl who had words

because she thought she knew who you were- but was wrong

...and *I am the girl who will never let go

of you, to all of the you's.